By Omolola Olakunri

This is mental health month.

I have watched a couple of compelling videos by men, yes, men. Articulating reasons why their gender must not internalize conflict and tension. Instead, seek professional help to walk through the minefields of juggling several balls in the air, and still be present for themselves, are particularly pressing concerns..

The expectation to have it all together without showing vulnerability is unsustainable. The loving man who has everything together without breaking into a sweat has become an endangered species. Gradually disappearing, replaced instead by an angry, frustrated stranger. Lashing out. Lonely and suicidal.

The constant undermining and chipping away of a man’s self-esteem by culture and society, the feeling of being prodded and appraised by supposed ‘manly’ expectations, has eroded many a psyche and made Man a shadow of his true self.

The World Health Organization estimates that a whopping twenty percent of Nigerians, which is about 40 million people, are affected by mental health issues.. The most prevalent being depression at 7 million people, and anxiety disorders at 4.9 million people. ( 2017 reports).

The clamour is real. Get help, have a mental tune-up. The struggles of life can truly overwhelm.

But how many of our men are listening and getting help?
How many will visit therapists for a mental health check?

The answer is, precious few.

When our world had not changed so drastically, therapists were in every household. The mother who knew from her child’s footsteps if something was amiss.
The Father who provided solutions. Guided with nuggets of wisdom, and the cousin who would not take no for an answer, until gently prising the problem from weary hands. All were part of the safety net of people around, when life threw lemons.

Like the African adage says, ‘a single bracelet does not jingle.’ This speaks to the importance of love and support, and the fact that we need each other to thrive. Family corrected each other. Bailed out, set straight , and most importantly were there. No person walked alone or fell through the cracks. Everyone was seen.

With shifting cultures and philosophies, however, the family buffer system has disintegrated. With it went all the counsel, the strategies, and the pinky ring loyalties. Ranks split, dissension set in, and the glue that held African families together dissolved.

Voices of wisdom went still. The silhouettes of loving family members disappeared into the night.. But challenges have remained.