Dusting the Shelves: Musings on mortality.
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By Omolola Olakunri
There’s no topic that drops the temperature of a room faster than conversations on the Great beyond.
Minus zero in seconds.
The moment the subject is broached, the atmosphere shifts.
A gasp. An exclamation. A look of concern. That inevitable question: “Is everything okay? Are you alright?”
Talking about Life after, when everything seems honky dory feels uncomfortable — even alarming. In many cultures, such discussions are typically reserved for moments following a terminal diagnosis. Why else would someone speak of kicking the bucket in a room full of the living?
It’s an African taboo. A self-fulfilling prophecy powered by superstition and old wives’ tales.
There are also the deep-seated fears that making preparations for crossing over may actually summon it.
As if simply acknowledging its presence starts an invisible countdown. Awakening the sleeping ogre before its time.
So we avoid it.
We sweep it under the carpet and focus on everything else:
Acquire the laurels.
Fulfill wildest imaginations.
Marry the girl,
Live in the mansion,
Build empires.
Life is on the up and up. What could possibly go wrong?
Yet life, in all its unpredictability, keeps throwing reminders our way.
That childhood friend who tragically passed away… The ensuing chaos, unresolved issues. A family torn apart by power struggles over wealth and legacy. Children caught in the crossfire. Loved ones at loggerheads over what should have been clear all along.
And still, many still do not get the memo that the unexpected does not knock, it walks in..
Like the ostrich with its head in the sand, we choose to live in denial.
‘It can’t happen to me,’ we say.
‘There’s still plenty of time.’
Time…?
Do we really have any control over it? because sometimes there are no farewell words.
No final hugs.
No time to say goodbye.
Life can change in the blink of an eye — a brutal reminder of how fragile our existence truly is.
The most unexpected word — ‘suddenly’— can shake the very foundation of a family. It can turn a home of wealth and abundance into a ghost land overnight.
In Nigeria, an ex-Minister suddenly translated after a game of tennis.
A Preacher’s son slept and never woke up.
An ex-Head of State collapsed from a heart attack, and was gone shortly after.
According to a News Agency of Nigeria report (July 29, 2025), 13.6% of all recorded deaths were sudden. Unexpected.
I wonder how many were planned for, because a ‘sudden passage’ is also another synonym for a scattered home. Especially if the relevant conversations have not been had.
So the question must be asked:
Why are we on top of everything in our lives — career, wealth, legacy — except for preparing for the inevitable?
How many secret bank accounts lie untouched today because their owners died intestate — without a will, without disclosure, their secrets buried with them?
That’s the real cost of silence.
How many families are left stranded because cultural rites demand that the dead be buried in ancestral homes — places they may never have visited in life?
How many cultures insist that direct descendants of royal lineages cannot be buried outside their kingdoms?
How many of us know how certain cultures treat the families of those who leave no son behind?
Children should never be caught in the crosshairs of parents’ indecision. Their futures must be secured. Not fractured.
These cultural nuances are not just interesting facts — they can become real challenges when no conversations or plans were made ahead of time.
That is why having open, honest conversations with loved ones is crucial.
Not at the twilight of life.
Not when illness has distorted clarity and heightened emotion.
But now, while we are healthy.
While we are lucid.
While plans can still be made and structures put in place for a seamless transition.
There are parents in the diaspora who have told their children they want to be brought back to Africa to be buried. Gathered up besides family like Joseph in the Bible.
Some have chosen their favourite songs, written their biography, and even chosen their resting place.
By discussing wishes, documenting intentions, and involving those who matter, peace is created— not only for ourselves but for those left behind.
Preparing for a change of baton will not kill a legacy, but not talking might.
As the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus once said:
“Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our happiness.”
There is no greater peace than knowing the people and things that matter most have been taken care of — even in absentia.
So don’t wait. Start the conversation today. We must not wait for the elephant in the room to wear black before we are jolted to reality.
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