Along the way, she started crooning that ordinarily, I should be charged another ₦37,500.00 for psychological evaluation, and I would have had to attend a 7-day mandatory evaluation classes where my sanity would be checked. However, she promised to appeal to her team leader to step that down, but that I must pay the ₦20,000.00 fine, all for quickly picking up a phone that fell down whilst car was not moving, at a traffic stop! 

She had earlier (before leaving the scene where I was stopped), said I should have pulled to a shoulder by the road before picking the phone. I told her to show me a shoulder I could have moved to, given the location of my vehicle at that point . She saw there was none and kept quiet.  

We soon got to the bushy office housed in a  container; spotting FRSC striking sky blue and white colours.True to type, she asked for my vehicle particulars in order to book me. I surrendered those to her, and she promptly handed them over to a slightly-built male colleague, pleading with him fervently not to charge me with psycho-evaluation. Honestly, I was transfixed. It seemed as if I was watching the latest offering from the Nollywood stable, live and direct!

Meantime, I had to kiss my 12 noon appointment goodbye as the clock was was reading 11.50 am at this time.

The next thing the lady officer asked for was whether I had cash on me to settle the fine. I said “No”, and that since they collect fines on daily basis, they should have a POS one could use, even if I knew that what I was being charged for was contrived! She replied they don’t and would only collect cash. I asked where would I get cash given the fact that there was no visible bank near the bush we were, and she eagerly and unpretentiously, pointed to a place about 25 meters away, where I would get cash from a POS operator.

On my way there, I noticed suddenly a cow which broke from its herd, and started charging directly towards me at full speed! I was so scared for my life that I took off like lightning and managed to escape into an opening on my left side few seconds before it got to me. The animal eventually changed course and went went its way. Who would blame the cow? I was right smack in its natural habitat, still pondering over the events that led me there in the first place. I was so certain that my blood pressure went up so many notches, as my heart kept beating so fast, even for more than 2 hours after the incident. I am sure I literally beat the record set by World Sprint King, Usain Bolt, in getting away from that marauding cow. Never did I know I still had legs that could carry the Sexagenarian me, that fast! 

Eventually, I got to the POS operator who charged me 20,400.00 for collecting ₦20,000.00 (Transaction details to tie-in the time all this was happening, are available on my phone).

On my way back, I noticed some of the officers that crouched together initially, had started dispersing. The slim guy that had been harassing me all day and whom my vehicle particulars were handed over to for booking, quickly covered his tag with his cap. Ditto for the others around.

Our Lady Officer took to her heels and ran towards my car. By the time I caught up with her, she started accusing me of videotaping them. I said I was trying to send a text to those waiting for me at my now aborted meeting on account of being held up by the FRSC. I was bemused and had to ask her if there was  another law against touching one’s phone whilst walking that I was not aware of? 

I told her pointedly she had accused me falsely twice in a spate of an hour, and that I did not take kindly to things of that nature. I thereafter opened my phone gallery and showed her the contents before she was convinced I did not videotape them.That was when she relaxed and laughed mirthfully, asking why I ran that fast from the cow…the cheek of it! I refused to answer her. I wondered why she and her colleagues in tow, were suddenly afraid to be taped particularly for someone beating her chest and pontificating some 30 minutes before that I could sue FRSC if I wanted to.

I expected that the booking would have been completed by the time I got back from the POS operator, but alas, I did not see any evidence that any booking was done. No paper was shown me, neither was anything furnished to detail the exact fine I was billed to pay.

Eventually I gave her the money and asked for a receipt to the effect. She replied there was no receipt and that she was just going to help me pay the money into the FRSC Bank Account…I said no receipt? And she retorted that I should be educated enough to understand these things; ostensibly wondering why I should be asking her that question. 

I was at a loss at what exactly she meant by that statement, and I said yes, I am educated but that she had just pissed on my education and in the same breath, called my intelligence into question by insisting that there was no receipt to be handed over, after booking me! 

I wondered why she decided to take the trouble of going to the bank to pay the money on my behalf despite the petrol shortage pervading Abuja on July 9th, and whilst still on duty! Did not know that our FRSC Officers are that humane and conscientious. 

I met many vehicles at that office, with the drivers possibly there for hours, pleading for  reductions in ‘fines’. 

I realise that from the minute I was obstructed by their vehicle, to getting to their bush office, and the suggestion of a POS operator not far away, plus the final money collection were all very well orchestrated. 

As indicated I earlier, on my way back from the POS operator, they had all covered their name tags with their caps as they continued to glance at me sheepishly. However, the name I tried to memorise was that of our Lady Officer with whom I interacted the most. Her name tag read “S. Ojofeyintimi” or something very close. I can also identify her (who, for her burly frame, was quite quick on her feet) and believe I can do the same for her slim male colleague.

I know it is easy to ferret these officers out as the FRSC is a “reputed” Federal Government institution which I believe is interested in stamping out unethical and underhand practices in its ranks. I am also sure that the organisation designs rosters for its road operational staff and would be able to situate their sphere of operations at any given time. I therefore feel confident the Corps would be able to pluck the team Officer Ojofeyintimi went out with on that day, and for all her behaviour on that selfsame day, I sense she was trying to prove her toughness to her superiors. In effect she cannot be made to carry this stinky and unwholesome can alone!

 Points to ponder: 

1) Since our lady Officer claimed they wore bodycam and had everything on tape, I am certainly interested in seeing the proof that I was actually using the phone on that day.

2) They could have called to examine my phone and I would  have willingly shown them the screen which would have indicated if indeed I was using it at the time. But because they knew I was not using the phone, they did not bother to check that. All they were interested in, was me paying the “fine”!

3) They should also show an entry of ₦20,000.00 fine paid in my name at the bank on January 9th, 2024. No one told me the day to come collect the receipt of the payment. If they were gracious enough to help pay the money in the bank, they should at least extend that graciousness in furnishing me my receipts after payment. 

The problem with most of us is that we take things with too much equanimity…Our lady officer showed so much magnanimity in only “fining” me, otherwise I could have been made to pay another ₦37,500.00 for psychiatric evaluation and attend compulsory 7-day classes to determine if I am indeed sane!

For individuals who have suffered injustice, indignity and inhumane treatment in the hands of Law Enforcement Officers, this story is for you.

Claude-Frédéric Bastiat, the 19th Century French Writer and Economist was right when he once said “When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men in the society, over the course of time they create for themselves a legal system that authorises it and a moral code that glorifies it”. 

We must all come together, join hands and keep fighting these dishonourable and corrupt practices from Men and Women in Uniform who flagrantly and routinely, bend The Law to suit their whims.

And since our Lady “Fine Collector” mentioned multiple times that I could sue the FRSC…I might as well take up her offer in that regard.

I thank all readers and those who are ready to join me in changing the ills in our society, one brick at a time!

Eniola Olakunri 

    – A Media Consultant and Public Sector Analyst, writes from Abuja.