Unforgiveness
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By Omolola Olakunri
Her sobbings and wails drew the attention of many at the serene cemetery.
As the commendations and prayers were made for the spirit of the departed, and the mahogany coffin started its descent into the bowels of Mother Earth, she was thrown into inconsolable sobbing. Throwing herself on the ground. Kicking and screaming.
Perchance, it was a man that was being buried on this somber day, one would be excused for thinking that the spectacle unfolding was that of a mistress lamenting the loss of a paramour, or some love child whose chance at legitimacy had just gone up in a puff of smoke..
It was neither.
Yet, as the saying goes..the woman was crying more than the bereaved.
A very bewildered guest had to ask one of the mourners who the lady was..
The answer was interesting.
‘That’s my mother’s immediate junior Sister. She had not spoken to us in ten years.. ‘
For ten years, she had held a grudge against her older Sister who was being buried.
Refused to speak to her, because in her eyes, what she did was unforgivable.
So unforgivable that she had cooled off, and they had become distant strangers.
It was hard to watch how two sisters who were literally 5 and 6, did everything together…Were each other’s confidante, just disintegrate.
The older Sister who would slay dragons for her, fight any institution, and climb any mountain. The sister who taught her to hold her head up high, and believe in herself, who taught her etiquette, and took her on great culinary adventures had faded into a distant memory..
As the years passed, the rift widened till it became an unresolved tyranny.
Straining relationships between their children, who were cousins, and even family members.
The Bishop of the family church, who had baptised them all as babies, had tried to intervene. Reminding her of Matthew 6:15, that if she did not forgive others, God would not forgive her sins.
That unforgiveness could consume a person’s soul and spirit.
But she was strong willed and stubborn. She refused entreaties, would turn up her nose and greet in monosyllables, whenever Sister would envelope her in a bear hug her and cover her in kisses. . Little did she know that sand was running out of the hourglass.
Then the inevitable happened with the tragic and unexpected passing. The cancer had returned with vengeance. The fight to keep her alive was lost. Big Sis slipped into unconsciousness and into eternity.
And little Sis was inconsolable. She had not even known her Sister had been ill.
Listening to the various eulogies of her Sister, how she had braved the many storms of life, including a cancer scare, and emerged victorious. How she was a force of nature.
How her voice was heard in the corridors that mattered.
People spoke of how they were drawn to her love, and how so many people called her Momma, and that she left behind a legacy of love and strength ..
Her heart broke.
It was then she knew the gravity of what she had lost, and the true extent of her foolishness.
While she had stayed rooted in one spot because of the weight of the forgiveness and grudge she carried, resentment had set in. As the more she struggled to make ends meet, her Sister had thrived. Turning everything she touched into gold.
She had nurtured and blessed so many.. Helped so many..
Her children had grown into young ladies who had no history of her in their lives.
She cried for the lost years that she would never get back. The voice she would never hear again, the activities and events they used to wear the same outfits too, And the love they had once shared.
It took the phone call everyone dreads for the scales to fall off her eyes. Suddenly, she realised that what had come between them had been so trivial. So inconsequential.
Even in her stubbornness, she had missed her Sister.
Not one day passed that she did not think of her light, and incandescence..
Til now, that there was nothing to hold on to anymore…
She forgot that forgiveness is not something that you do for others. We do it for ourselves. To move forward.
But the memo had arrived late. All that remained now was the sound of silence.
Not in her wildest dreams did she think that her sister would die on her.
The fight was not supposed to have been until death.
Things had just spiraled out of control.
And now she would never get it back.
Her Sister was gone forever, and she had not made peace.
What was the cause of this conflict?
Words spoken, and taken out of context. Advice given and rejected. Then the arrogance of being the younger sister who was better off. Pride set in. And she felt she did not need anyone. Till she did..
Now, really and truly, she was alone.
The journey ahead was daunting. There was no one to hold her by the hand. She was a pariah, shunned..
Now she would have to undo the damage her recklessness had caused. And find a way to forgive herself..
But first, she had to reintroduce herself to her nieces and nephews. For the healing to begin.
I messed up. Please forgive me.
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